A night of, what was I doing before i drank some whiskey?

It seems only appropriate that my first blog under a Douglas Adams reference should be about being too unclear in the head from drink. I'm looking for a job but don't want one; the lack of attention to the installation of a gas stove seems to cause no end of problems. It almost seems easier to get a job than to wait around for my apartment to be fixed poorly. The pothead contractor who gave me a copy of his Americana CD and who installed a new shower for the second time seems to have gone wrong and now water seems to be seeping into the walls again. I bathed in a mushroom of his making from 5 years ago, and I'm bound to do so again.

In the meantime I can't be sure if the meth-heads who installed the oven won't slay me in the near future with some detail they forgot in this explosive necessity of the kitchen. I'm drunk, so why can't I just enjoy myself? I feel like the world is out to dissapoint me.

And why is it all of these people in the same town as me seem to write about all the things I like and go to the same places I go and discovered on my own and get cool points when I am a nobody? I bet they are not nearly as articulate drunk as I am. I would have gone into journalism if my teacher hadn't told the jocks it was OK to alter the quotes they collected in their interviews to make them "more exciting". It was too much to hear a teacher who taught journalism in Hawaii as well as Sactown advocating exaggeration and lies.

Perhaps that is my problem. I don't kiss enough ass. This MO seemed to work for me well in the past, but lately the stakes are high. Or perhaps they are just.....too comfortable. I know people think I am rude- I have been accused of being from New Jersey more than once. I have sometimes wondered if they are my people, and all these soft Californians (yes I was born and raised in Cali) are just a bunch of wusses I should abandon because they want truth to be.....more manufactured, softer, gentler. I don't want to tell people lies just so they feel good about themselves. Is that an attitude problem?

I am not going to go to see bands I don't like and tell them they are great when they sound like copies of every band that will pass over in the next 2 years. I won't tell them that they played a great cover of Satanic Majecties Request. I won't tell anyone that. I'll listen the CD it was first on.
I was playing songs that sound like these bands on my radio show six years ago. You sound just like them- you are behind the times. I found other things to play than those bands 5 years ago that sounded better.
I don't sound like anyone else that I've ever heard. Who sounds like both Joey Ramone and Joan Baez? That's ridiculous. But, the person who told me that was right the fuck on.
Everyone in a band here knows that when they go to another city on tour no-one will give a rat's ass about their lousy covers and sour harmonies and the songs they wrote to sound like that OTHER song on the radio and they'll come back and cower in the local scene. I haven't even played guitar in weeks because I've been trying to "fine tune my resume". What a load of crap. I'm so bloody bored. But when I try to do something real every one else doing it is fake and can't appreciate it, even if they say they do. I can't try to do it with all these bloody false idiots who make something out of nothing lives by creating a story around themselves being my audience. My life has always been more than real, with all it's faults, and it must be too much for people who are used to "carefully crafting an image for themselves." Does that make you cool now? I always thought it was a perversion. Did ya hire an image consultant?

I still can't believe there are people my age who can be believed for being deep and interesting just because they spend a lot on clothes to create a rock star image when they are just party favors. Screw you. I'll show you. I'm writing a comic, new songs that don't follow the pattern, and an f-ing bloody musical. You idiots are SHOPPING. Your shirts have bloody birds on them. Mine have suits with TVs for heads. What is more interesting? Yes I can draw, I can silk screen, I've designed CD covers, magazine covers, my songs have been covered (and they are songs that tell you it's OK to be you and not someone on a bloody magazine or on TV). Oh, so sad, does no one remembers the first bands in the 90's that made it be ok for girls to be in rock bands for the 5th time? What would have happened to you petty little cover singers without us? Won't some one ask me to sing "I'm just a girl" again? PISS OFF!
I am more optomistic than most, but I have no faith in people lately. I've heard enough lies where musicians that were terrible were being told they were great. It makes me wonder if anyone knows what music is anymore. Lately, I've been having a good time sleeping. My dreams hold the best future- ultimate thrift stores...newts and singing newts, new songs,....my mom dating an African American boyfriend. It's much better than the reality you losers make available for anyone here. It's hard to believe you accept what you cultivate as being the best thing you could ask for. There is so much more, baby, than you know of. Open your eyes, sweetheart. I am it. And I am going to go to sleep, and dream dreams you only wish you had. If you are lucky, maybe I'll tell you what they are.

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